Do you have trouble getting your child to listen to you the first time? This is a universal problem for parents everywhere, so you are in good company. During my early motherhood journey, having a 2-year-old and a 3-year-old at the same time was a challenging time for me. Even having been an early childhood educator, I tried every teacher technique I’d ever used in a classroom and then some.
It’s a known fact that children often behave worse for their parents than they do for anyone else. This is a universal truth, and it’s certainly the case with my children. You’re not alone in this.
How do my children behave in the classroom for another teacher? Complete angels! For my husband and me? Let’s just say they’ve earned the titles of “Chaos” and “Mayhem.”
Along the journey through having a toddler and a preschooler at the same time, I’ve picked up some new tips and tricks that have worked wonders for me as a parent.
8 Tips for getting your child to listen
1). Build the Relationship. First of all, try spending lots of time being present and building your bond even more with your child. In my experience, the more you connect with them, the more likely they are to listen to you when it matters. Meeting their basic needs, including their need for attention, goes a long way in getting your child to listen when it counts.
2). Keep your commands short—5 words or less. When you keep your commands short, it increases the chance your child will hear and understand you when they are starting to feel out of control.
3). Pick your battles. Have you ever had a boss, parent, or spouse that was always on your case? When someone is always after you about the smallest things, we tend to stop listening. It’s a human reaction, and our children are little humans, too. If you’re always on their case, they’re more likely to tune you out. Keep this in mind the next time you’re in a power struggle over what shirt your child should wear to school.
4). Try a whisper. If your child is already dysregulated (in other words, acting crazy!), an enthusiastic whisper can do wonders to draw their attention to something else. For example, find something that will catch their eye and talk about it in a whisper to redirect their attention.
5). Use some humor…that is, if you can find your sense of humor when you start to sense your child is losing control. If you do something silly or goofy that makes your child laugh, you can often redirect bad behavior or even prevent a full-on tantrum. Humor is a great tool for getting your child to listen to you.
Setting clear expections: Getting your child to listen
6). Set the expectations in advance. If you’re going to a restaurant or someplace where you need your children to behave, set the expectations beforehand. A little prep work goes a long way to keeping the peace. When we go to a restaurant, we have a few rules, and we go over them before going inside:
- We sit on our bottoms in our chair.
- We use our walking feet.
- We use our inside voices.
- We don’t lick things.
7). Tell your child what to do. This sounds so simple, but when your child is misbehaving, tell them what you want them to do, instead of what not to do. If your child is climbing on the table, say, “Feet on the floor!” instead of “Don’t climb on the table!”
When children are involved in their own mischievous behavior, there’s a good chance they won’t process the “don’t” in your command. Instead, they will likely hear you say, “Climb on the table!” It’s no wonder they’re confused when it’s clear you’re upset with them. Remember, they are more likely to process your command if you tell them what you want them to do.
Keep Calm and Carry on
8). Stay calm and in control. Children sense when you’re feeling out of control and this causes them to feel out of control. Your child needs you to keep your cool so they feel safe. Additionally, they need to borrow your regulation skills when they feel out of control, which will only happen if you remain in control.
Plus, our children love to imitate us! If they see us behaving in an out-of-control way, they will mimic our behavior.
Remember, children are people and they can be fickle – one trick may not work every time. Don’t be discouraged. If one method doesn’t work today that worked yesterday, try another one. You can never have too many strategies for handling those little behaviors that will inevitably pop up on your parenting journey.
