Handling Tantrums: A Parent’s Survival Guide

Parenting comes with its own share of challenges, and every parent has had to learn to work through their child’s temper tantrums. Handling tantrums is one of the most notorious difficulties of parenting. Every caregiver, regardless of their background or experience, has found themselves navigating the storm of a child’s meltdown. While it’s far from enjoyable, having multiple strategies in your arsenal can make this journey more manageable. Remember, we’re dealing with young, complicated little beings who are just as prone to human complexities and moods as we are.

We’re here to help you navigate this difficult part of parenting.

Understanding Tantrums

Understanding why your child is having a tantrum is the first step to handling tantrums in a more compassionate way. Here are some common triggers for children:

Hunger or Fatigue. It’s important to start here. When your child is having a sudden meltdown, consider if your child might be tired or hungry. Unmet needs can often fuel sudden outbursts.
Challenges. Children may have a meltdown when faced with challenges or unmet expectations, such as struggling with a complicated new toy or missing out on a promised treat.
Communication. Toddlers and preschoolers are still learning how to communicate with you and the world around them. Sometimes, they just don’t have the words, and they struggle to express their needs. They need your help to find the right way to communicate their needs.
Routine Disruptions. Changes in daily routines can throw children off balance, leaving them unsure of how to react. Just as we feel uneasy in unfamiliar situations, so do they.
Developmental Changes. Tantrums can also happen because of the rapid changes children experience as they grow and develop. Understanding their evolving needs and emotions is crucial during these phases.
Emotional Regulation. Children are still learning to navigate their emotions. Toddlers and preschoolers are learning what emotions are, and even school children are still learning how to control their emotions. As parents, it’s our role to help them through the uncharted territory of managing their emotions.

Preventing Tantrums

While tantrums are inevitable, there are proactive steps we can take to minimize them.

Daily Routine. A daily routine gives children a sense of stability and reduces the likelihood of tantrums. Children like to know what to expect, and when expectations are clear, they are more likely to be cooperative.
Planning. Be sure to run errands when your child is not tired or hungry. Many tantrums happen because your child is sleepy or hungry. Plan your errands around their meal and nap times, and pack snacks to tide them over.
Healthy Diet. Prioritize giving your child healthy foods. Eating nourishing foods helps sustain your child’s energy levels and moods. Giving a well-balanced diet can help curb temper tantrums before they even start.
Minimizing Power Struggles. Offer your child choices on non-essential matters. This will empower your child without compromising your own boundaries.
Triggers. Avoid known tantrum triggers. If you know that walking into the toy section of a store is meltdown city for your child, avoid that part of the store. Know and identify their triggers and do your best to plan around them.
Lead by Example. Be sure you are modeling healthy emotional responses and coping skills. If you have versions of your own tantrums, your children will emulate you. Work on your own reactions, and your example will go a long way in helping your children navigate the world with a better emotional state.

Handling Tantrums

When tantrums occur, here are some strategies to help you navigate them:

Stay calm and in control. When handling tantrums, maintain your composure and avoid escalating the situation by yelling or losing control.
Distract your child. Re-direct their attention toward other activities, such as watching the birds outside. Alternatively, moving rooms, handing them a new toy, or going outside can be effective distractions, too.
Offer comfort and reassurance. This is also called a “time-in.” For example, give your child a hug for emotional support. Some children need extra affection while working through emotions.
Set clear and consistent boundaries. After the tantrum has subsided, let your child know that having temper tantrums is not acceptable. Be clear about how you expect them to behave at home and in public.
Teach coping skills. Help your child develop coping skills for those moments when they feel their emotions rising. Teach them to breathe deeply or count to ten before reacting. Also, having a calming corner can also be helpful in the home.
Communicate expectations. Be clear and consistent about your expectations. In our family, we have “rules” for just about everything: restaurant rules, airport rules, parking lot rules, shopping rules, etc. We review our rules before getting out of the car, and it’s been very effective.
Take your child outside. Sometimes, a change of scenery is necessary for handling tantrums, and going outside can be calming for a child.
Timeouts. Use timeouts sparingly and only with older children, ensuring they don’t feel isolated or abandoned.
Take care of yourself. Make sure you’re in a state where you can maintain your own emotions. Handling tantrums is stressful for parents, so do your best to get enough sleep, and prioritize time for things you enjoy.

Handling Tantrums in Public

Dealing with tantrums in public can be particularly challenging. Nothing is worse than your child having a meltdown in public. Remember:

Ignore the judgmental stares and prioritize your child’s needs over societal expectations. Every parent has experienced a child acting out in a public space, whether they admit it or not.
Be prepared to leave the situation if necessary, focusing on de-escalation and maintaining your child’s emotional well-being. You may need to leave your cart in the store to take your child outside. You may need to leave altogether. Be firm, consistent, and stay calm and in control. This is a growth period for both you and your child.

While tantrums are an inevitable part of parenting, the above strategies, as well as this article on tantrums, will help you feel prepared to handle tantrums. Remember, you’re not alone on your parenting journey. With patience, empathy, and consistency, you can help your child navigate the turbulent waters of emotions and come out stronger together.