Happy Little Moments
How to Get Your Child to Sleep in their Own Bed
How do you get kids to sleep in their own bed at night? It’s a major struggle of most parents I know. So you’re not alone in dealing with this very common childhood issue.
I’ve been there, too. Why won’t kids just sleep? I understand firsthand how frustrating it is when you and your partner are tired but your child is wired.
But the struggle has gotten much easier over time with consistent boundaries. Thankfully, my children don’t often feel the need to crawl in bed with us as much anymore.
So, how do you get kids to sleep in their own bed? There are several strategies that you can use, however consistency is key. It may come down to establishing a strict bedtime routine. Having a bedtime routine is a game-changer when it comes to getting your child to sleep in their own bed.
It may be that they are struggling with a fear of the dark. If your child is afraid of the dark, coming from a place of understanding and validation may help your child with their fears.
Ultimately, having a child that crawls in bed with you numerous times at night may need some rules and boundaries enforced. Unfortunately, they may need to be sent back to their own – over and over again. Sometimes it’s understanding your child that helps tremendously in helping them get over their fears.
No one ever said ALL aspects of parenting are fun – although I’ll be the first to tell you there are a lot of fun aspects of parenting!
But let’s dive into how to get your child to sleep in their own bed at night!
how do you Get Your Child to Sleep in their own Bed
1). Create a bedtime routine for your kids. Having reliable routines are super important for kids, and having a bedtime routine is no exception. If you’re not consistent with their bedtime routine, then they will have trouble falling sleep each night. You can make up your own routine, but everything must occur at about the same time each night for the routine to work. Here’s an example of a simple evening routine with kids:
- Eat Dinner
- Play for 30 minutes
- Take a bath
- Put on Pajamas
- Read for 20 minutes together.
- Hugs, kisses, snuggles.
- Lights out.
Notice in this routine that everything directs the child toward to bedtime. Eating makes us tired, and playing makes us tired, too. At this point, if you have a dimmer, you may start dimming the lights. Taking a bath helps wind our kids down. Then, put on pajamas/dry hair, read with you (connection), hug and kisses (connection), and then it lights out.
During this routine, everything leads toward bedtime, and everything else gives your child connection points and attention from you, which is what your child wants the most.
2). Make a gradual transition. If your child is used to co-sleeping with you, you may need to make a gradual approach. For instance, when lights are turned out, you may lie down with them in their bed for a few days. Then move a little farther away until they fall asleep (such as on the floor or in a chair). After a few more days, move closer to the door. Make your position in the bedroom further and further away until you’re able to close the door, and the kids can go to sleep on their own.
3). Give your child a bath before bed. Giving your child a bath right before bed is one of the best ways to get them to slow down for the evening. Even if your child has sensitive skin and your doctor has advised against bathing them every night with soap, allow them to soak in warm water as they wind down for the evening.
Physical and Emotional Needs
4). Investigate reasons the child may not be sleeping alone. Remember that all behavior from your child is a form of communication. What are they telling you when they are not settling in for the night? There could be several reasons. Did they start a new school? Do they have a new sibling? Is there a family event going on? Was there a divorce? Is there any issue going on with your spouse or partner?
Children are very perceptive, so keep in mind that anything going on in your life may be affecting their sleep. Have age-appropriate conversations with your child about anything going on in their lives so they can feel reassured by you. Come from a place of empathy if anything of this nature is causing your child to want to sleep in your bed.
5). Address any fears or nightmares. If your child is afraid of monsters in the closet, talk with them about it. Don’t be dismissive. Instead, get curious. Ask them questions about the monsters and validate their fears. Reassure them that monsters aren’t real, but you understand why they are scared.
6). Make sure your child isn’t overly tired. Believe it or not, a child staying up too late or overly tired tends to get a little wired and crazy. And it’s harder for them to fall asleep if they’re too tired. It’s completely counterintuitive, but you’ve seen it before. Children also tend to get hurt if they’re allowed to stay up too late, because they get clumsy.
7). Make sure your child is physically active enough to get tired. Your child needs to be playing (preferably outside) and getting physically tired enough for the evening. Ensure your child isn’t spending too much time in front of a screen during the day and is not getting enough exercise.
Environmental Factors
8). Give your child comfort items for bedtime. Your child’s comfort item might be their favorite stuffy or blanket. They may also have favorite books that comfort them in the middle of the night. Allow them to sleep with these items as long as they’re safe if they bring your child some amount of comfort—anything that makes them feel cozy.
9). Ensure your child’s room is conducive to sleeping. Check to see if it is a soothing place with little clutter. There should be no screens or toys making noise in the middle of the night. I highly recommend having blackout curtains so the room stays completely dark until morning. Keep your child’s room cool but not cold – somewhere between 68-72 degrees. If this isn’t possible, adjust their pajamas and bedding to ensure they stay comfortable all night.
10). Use a Sound machine or a story time to help your child fall asleep. Our toddler sometimes uses a sound machine to help him fall asleep. Our older two children love to fall asleep to Mrs. Honeybee, Sleepy Paws, or even a sleep meditation. Make sure whatever you choose is soothing and easy to listen to. Let me tell you, I listen to one of these, and I’m out, too!
11). Allow nothing stimulating. During your evening routine, ensure all screens, tablets, phones, and Televisions are turned off for at least one hour before your child’s bedtime. The light from these devices stimulates the brain and can cause your child to stay awake.
Boundary Setting
12). Set and uphold your boundaries. This is one of the toughest parts of being a parent, but it is also the most important part. You don’t need to feel bad about returning your child to bed, especially since everyone involved needs sleep at night. Decide once and for all that your child doesn’t sleep in your bed. If your child joins you in bed, get up and calmly walk them back to their room. You may need to do this several times in the middle of the night. Remember that the short-term pain of getting up over and over will be worth it once your child stays in their own bed. As difficult as it is, keep your cool. If you give them a reaction (meaning attention), that may be what they’re after. Give it as little attention as you can and continue to be consistent.
13). Say goodnight and mean it. If you tend to be gentler with your kids (as I know I am), you may need to pay attention to how you are saying good night. You can still be gentle, but firm. Make sure your child knows that you mean it. No doubts that this is the final and one and only goodnight. Don’t give them the inkling that you’ll see them in the middle of the night. Make it a statement, not a question.
Final Thoughts
14). Try using a sleep chart with your child, similar to a potty-training chart. Reward your child with a sticker on their chart if they stay in bed all night. Give lots of praise when they succeed!
15). Give them praise and encouragement. Give praise to their bedtime accomplishments. For example, if they managed to stay in their bed the whole night, be sure to praise them in the morning. Let them know that you noticed and are proud of them. Some children do really well with a sticker chart for staying in their bed. If they stay in bed all night, they get a star, much like a potty training chart.
16). Be patient. Remember, your children are young and less emotionally capable than adults. They aren’t trying to intentionally bother you by climbing in bed with you at night. They are simply unaware of how their actions impact you. When you walk them back to bed, use emotional management, take deep breaths, and simply walk them back to their rooms – yes, over and over. Stay consistent, and this phase will pass by much more quickly.
This is just a season of life and it, too, shall pass. Someday, you’ll sleep again.
Getting your child to sleep in their own bed can feel like a challenge, but it’s all part of this season of life—and it will pass. One day, you’ll look back and maybe even miss those midnight snuggles!
These are just a few tips to help your child sleep in their own bed at night, and I hope you find them helpful. Remember, this is only a phase and, it won’t last forever. Before you know it, you’ll be getting more rest, and those midnight snuggles will be sweet memories you’ll cherish. Every family’s journey is different, so give yourself grace as you get through this stage.
I encourage you to try some of these ideas in your own home and see what works best for your child. It might take some time, but with patience and consistency, everyone will have a more peaceful night. And trust me, a good night’s sleep is just around the corner for the whole family!
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