happy little moments
16 Ways to let go of unrealistic expectations in motherhood
One of the biggest challenges of being a mom is managing the unrealistic expectations we often set for ourselves. Many of us put tremendous pressure on ourselves to be the perfect parent, striving to juggle everything from homework and sports practices to school events and beyond. And let’s be honest, motherhood is a huge responsibility—probably one of the most important roles we’ll ever take on. But with that responsibility comes a heavy burden, as we try to achieve an ideal of perfection that simply isn’t attainable.
The truth is, perfection isn’t the ultimate goal of motherhood. Yes, we want to raise children who are kind, resilient, responsible, and ready to face the world. But what our kids really need is to see that it’s okay to be perfectly imperfect. When they see us embracing our flaws and learning from our mistakes, they learn to let go of their own unrealistic expectations, reducing their anxiety and stress.
Parenting should have its fair share of fun and carefree moments too. By lightening the load we carry, we create a healthier, happier experience for both ourselves and our children. Here are 16 tips to help manage unrealistic expectations and ease the mental load of motherhood.
16 Tips to Manage Unrealistic Expectations in Motherhood
- Set Realistic Goals. It’s easy to feel like you need to tackle everything at once, but life’s a lot more manageable when you set small, realistic goals. Break things down into steps that feel doable for where you are right now. This way, you can keep moving forward without burning yourself out, giving yourself more space to actually enjoy the journey.
- Celebrate Small Wins. Every little victory counts, whether it’s getting through a tough moment or finding a few minutes to yourself. Take time to acknowledge these small wins—they add up! Celebrating them can boost your confidence and remind you that you’re doing a great job, even when things feel hard.
- Educate Yourself About Developmental Milestones. Understanding your child’s developmental milestones can help set realistic expectations and reduce unnecessary worries. Learning about what to expect at each stage gives you a clearer picture of your child’s growth and helps you celebrate their achievements along the way. Remember, every child develops at their own pace, and that’s perfectly normal. I’m currently writing a series on childhood milestones so please be sure to check it out here.
Being Perfectly Imperfect
- Embrace Imperfection. Motherhood isn’t about getting everything right—it’s about doing your best and loving your children. It’s okay to have off days or to make mistakes. Instead of striving for perfection, try embracing the beauty in the messiness. You’re human, and that’s okay. What matters most is that you keep showing up for your child.
- Accept That Mistakes Happen. No one gets it right all the time, and that’s okay. Mistakes part of the human experience, both for you and your child. Instead of beating yourself up, try to see mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve. Remember, you’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough. Embrace the lessons that come with the missteps and keep moving forward.
- Prioritize Connection Over Perfection. Your child cares more about spending quality time with you than having everything just right. Focus on being present and connected rather than getting everything perfect. It’s those little moments you spend connecting with your child that will mean the most to both of you in the long run.
Embrace Your Community
- Create a Support Network. Having a strong support network makes a huge difference in our motherhood experience. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and understand the challenges of being a mom. Whether it’s friends, family, or an online community, these connections give comfort, advice, and a sense of belonging. You’re not alone on this journey, and having others to lean on makes it a lot easier. If you’re still building your community of moms, be sure to check out my blog: 10 Ways to Meet Mom Friends.
- Accept Help. You don’t have to do it all on your own. Accepting help doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re smart enough to recognize that everyone needs help sometimes. In fact, when help is offered and in a moment that I need it, I view it was a gift from God. And why would I not accept that kind of gift? Whether it’s from family, friends, or a professional, leaning on others can make a big difference in your well-being and give you more time to focus on what really matters.
- Delegate Tasks. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Delegating tasks, to your spouse, a family member, or even a babysitter, can free up your time and reduce stress. Sharing responsibilities isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a smart way to ensure you have the energy for the things that matter most.
- Let Go of Comparisons. It’s easy to look at other moms and feel like you’re not measuring up, but everyone’s experience is different. What works for one family might not work for yours, and that’s totally fine. Focus on what you’re doing well, and remember that you’re the perfect mom for your child, just as you are.
- Be Flexible with Plans. Life with kids is unpredictable, and things don’t always go according to plan. Being flexible allows you to adapt when things change. Let go of rigid expectations and go with the flow when needed. Flexibility helps you stay calm and responsive, making the journey smoother for both you and your little one.
Practice Mindfulness
- Practice Self-Compassion. Being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to others. When things don’t go as planned, remind yourself that you’re doing your best. Practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself the way you would to a friend—gently and with understanding. It’s okay to have tough days; what matters is that you keep going.
- Be Present. While it may be easy to get caught in a cycle of worry, remember, the best moments happen in the here and now. Try focusing on what’s happening in the present, even if it’s just a quiet moment with your child. Being present helps you appreciate the small joys of motherhood that might otherwise go unnoticed.
- Reframe Negative Thoughts. It’s easy to get caught in a loop of negative thinking, especially on tough days. When negative thoughts creep in, stop yourself and reframe that negative voice into something positive or constructive. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, think about what you’ve learned from the experience or how you can do these differently next time. This shift in perspective lightens your mental load and helps you move forward.
- Make Time for Yourself. Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your family. Even if it’s just a few minutes a day, carve out some time to do something that makes you feel good, whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or enjoying a cup of tea in peace. Regularly doing small acts of self-care helps you recharge and makes you a more present and patient mom.
- Limit Social Media Exposure. Social media is a double-edged sword. While it’s great for knowing what your old friends are doing in life and staying connected with them, it can also lead to unnecessary comparisons and unrealistic expectations. We used to only be aware of the good fortune of our neighbors and close friends. Now we see the highlight reel of nearly everyone we come in contact with throughout our entire lives. If scrolling through your social media feeds leaves you feeling stressed, inadequate, or even jealous, it’s time to take a break. Limiting social media helps you stay grounded and focus on what’s important in your life.
In Conclusion
In essence, we’re here in this life to embrace the journey, and not just manage all the responsibilities life throws at us. Remember to carve out moments for yourself, to lighten up and enjoy the ride, and find time to connect with your children. Kids grow up so quickly and those precious moments are fleeting. Make the most of the time you have with your children, and it’s okay to let go of unrealistic expectations of motherhood. The dishes and the laundry will still be there, but your children are changing and growing every day.
