6 Ways to Manage Your Emotions
As parents, learning to manage our emotions can often feel like an ongoing journey. Despite our love for our children, they have a knack for testing our limits. However, amidst the challenges, our children offer us an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Through the trials and triumphs of parenthood, we can learn to master our own emotions, ultimately becoming stronger and more resilient individuals.
If you struggle to remain patient and understanding with your children, please know that you are not alone…
A few days ago, my children and I were running late for school. I started yelling at my children to get their shoes on. Why weren’t their shoes on yet?! Don’t they know we’re late?! In the midst of all the chaos, my 6-year-old daughter was asking, “Where’s my Elmo?” In my mind, I said, “Who cares where Elmo is?”Get your shoes on and get in the car!”
On other occasions, we, as parents, can handle parenting challenges with grace and control. Why are we able to manage our emotions with our children more patiently than at other times? Truthfully, there can be a number of reasons for the difference in our reactions, but practicing mindfulness can go a long way in helping you manage your emotions more consistently with your children.
Here are 6 ways to help you manage your emotions the next time your children are, well, acting like children:
6 Ways to Manage Your Emotions
1). As a first step, start to pay attention to your body. Can you sense when you’re feeling anxious, stressed, frustrated, or reaching your limit? Do your neck and shoulders tense? Does your jaw clench? Do you feel heat in your body? Start paying attention to what happens in your body when you’re upset. As you start to feel these sensations in your body, hit the pause button before you reach your limit. By giving yourself a moment to collect yourself, you’re giving your child the gift of the best version of yourself.
2). If you struggle with managing your emotions, learn to identify your own emotions. When I first opened a child care center, we started teaching children’s emotions in our lessons. As I was teaching these lessons, I realized that I often couldn’t identify my own emotions.
It turns out, I needed our Pre-K curriculum as much as they did.
Over time, I began paying attention to my own emotions, and trying to find the right words for what I was feeling. I have found that recognizing what emotion is happening helps me diffuse those emotions in a healthier way.
When Little People are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos. - L.R. Knost
3). Reframe how you see your children’s behaviors. Although it may seem like it at times, children are not trying to purposefully push your buttons. In fact, they are often just trying to connect with you or communicate something to you. All behaviors are communication, so reframe the way you see their behaviors. Their undesirable behaviors are conveying a need, and it’s often a need for connection, food, water, sleep, or they may be telling you they’re overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious. Unfortunately, they can’t tell you that directly because they don’t have the words yet.
For example, when your child is displaying an “annoying” behavior, replace the words, “My child is trying to annoy me” with, “My child is trying to connect with me.” More than likley, they are trying to find a way to connect and communicate with you.
Mindfulness Techniques to help manage your emotions
4). Try meditation or yoga. Mindfulness is a proactive approach if you can find as little as 10 minutes each day in your schedule. Remember, meditation (or yoga) is a practice so consistency is key. Meditation and yoga are meant to help you develop discipline, observe your thoughts as they come and go, and learn to redirect your focus. While not an overnight fix, minfulness helps you learn to be more present, to let things go, to observe how your body is feeling, and to learn what it feels like to hit the pause button and breathe.
5). Start a dump journal. If you’re mentally overwhelmed, doing a brain dump into a journal each morning (or even a few times per week) can help you get things off your mind before stress builds up. Releasing the stress gradually and in a mindful way can help you manage your emotions when you are triggered by your family.
How do you start a brain dump journal? Simply write whatever comes into your mind into a journal each day. Remember, a brain dump journal is different than a diary. Write whatever comes into your brain without judgement. By doing 2-3 pages in the morning each day, you can keep your mind clear for the things that really matter to you.
6). While challenging, strive to get up at least 30-60 minutes before your children. Do whatever it takes to get a little “me” time with your cup of coffee in the mornings, so you can take control of your day before the rest of the world does. There are several options you can do to seize your day: start learning a new skill, journal, meditate, read a book, or workout. Most importantly, do something that’s for you and be consistent.
If all else fails, and you still lose it with your children today, do your best to repair it. Don’t be afraid to admit when you were wrong or apologize when you lose your cool. By admitting when you’ve messed up, you will build your relationship with your children and show them that no one is perfect. I hope these tips on how to manage your emotions as a parent are helpful to you!