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how to stop siblings from fighting
How to stop siblings from fighting—it’s a challenge every parent of more than one child knows all too well. Siblings fighting leaves us, as parents, drained exhausted, and wondering how we can possibly keep the peace. However, conflict is a natural part of any close relationship. Adults, too, sometimes clash with their partners, family, friends, and even coworkers at times. Consequently, children also experience conflicts with their siblings.
While some sibling conflict is inevitable, learning how to manage conflict in a healthy way is a life skill that will help your kids even into adulthood. Amid all the fighting, there is good news – there are ways to prevent and reduce how often your children fight each other. A little proactive effort can go a long way toward helping your children get along better.
How Do You Stop Siblings from Fighting?
You can help stop siblings from fighting by creating a home that encourages positive sibling interactions, teaches conflict resolution skills, and sets up clear boundaries and rules. As a parent, you can help your children build better relationships with each other, which in turn prevents much of the fighting altogether. Honestly, the more we can eliminate fighting, the more sane everyone in the family will be!
So, let’s dive into some proactive strategies on how to stop siblings from fighting and keep a more peaceful and positive atmosphere in your home.
1). Be a Good Role Model.
First and foremost, remember that your children are always watching and imitating you. Be aware of your interactions with your family members, partners, children, friends, and colleagues. If your children see you, as a parent, challenging or provoking others, your children will learn to do so also. Choose your battles wisely and be mindful of the behavior your child is seeing from you.
2). Establish Family Rules.
Establishing rules and boundaries about how we treat each other as a family is a great way to prevent sibling conflicts. For example, maybe the Golden Rule becomes a part of your own family value system. Or perhaps you set a rule that we treat each other with respect, kindness, and care. Making your boundaries and values clear to your children opens up the opportunity to talk with your family about how we treat others and what is expected from them as a family member.
3). Make consequences clear.
If your child provokes a fight with their sibling, make sure they are aware of what the consequence will be. Perhap a squabble that gets physical means that television time is reduced for the day; or alternatively, a time-out will be enforced. Be clear and consistent. If your child knows what consequence to expect and it is enforced every time, they will learn quickly how to reign in their behavior.
4). Have post-fight family discussionS.
After a squabble is over and everyone is in a better headspace, have a discussion about how the fight could have been avoided. Ask your kids what they could have done instead, and how they could have responded better. Ultimately, we want to teach our children to engage their prefrontal cortex, (the logical part of the brain), through asking questions and having conversations. Keep in mind that these conversations are only effective once everyone has cooled down.
5). Tell your children to come to you.
Ask your children to come to you about an argument before it becomes a fight. If you can succeed in getting your child to let you know when their sibling is provoking them before a fight breaks out, you can help diffuse the situation and teach them better ways to respond in the moment. While it’s important for your child to tell you when things are starting to get out of hand, don’t inadvertently encourage tattling. Explain to your child what the difference is. Your goal is to stop siblings from fighting, not to get involved in every detail of their little spats.
6). Praise your children when they play well together.
I don’t know about you, but I love to watch when my kids are playing well together. It warms my mama heart, and they are so sweet to each other when they’re getting along! Make sure to notice when your kids are doing well and behaving. Make them aware that you noticed how well they played together.
7). Encourage your children to be on the same team.
When our children fight, we have a conversation with our kids about how we’re all on the same team. We emphasize that we have to stick together as a family. We explain that we love each other so we all need to work together. You can work to build a teamwork culture in your family by cooking together, cleaning together, playing games together, and doing lots of activities all together as a family.
8). Know your children’s triggers.
You may begin to notice that fights happen most when your children are hungry, thirsty, or tired. If this is happening, get ahead of it before chaos ensues. If things are getting dicey among your children, try giving your them a snack or start the naptime or bedtime routine. When possible, notice and take care of those basic needs before your kids get too grumpy.
9). Avoid Comparing your children.
Each of your kids will have their own unique, natural talents. One child may be really great at drawing. The other child may be better at building with Legos. However, make sure to praise each individual child’s strengths and efforts, but do not compare their strengths and weaknesses against one another. If you build a family culture that compares and judges, there will be more sibling rivalry and conflict.
10). Establish predictible routines.
Having a routine creates markers throughout your child’s day, so your children know what to expect. It makes sense that when children have no structure, there will be more chaos, which breeds more sibling fighting. While you don’t need to structure every small detail of the day, having established markers of what comes next can reduce anxiety and stress in children.
11). encourage creativity.
Establish times throughout the day that your child can be creative and expressive. Implement drawing, music, role-playing, or writing times in their daily routine. You can include costumes, puppets, books, paper, paint, etc. Establishing times for creativity allows children to let go of stress in a healthy way, before it builds up against a sibling.
12). Don’t take sides.
As a parent, it’s important to stay neutral in your children’s arguments and fights. Encourage your children to work out their own problems as much as possible; however, keep in mind that they still may require some guidance from you.
13). Create a calm-down space.
Find a corner or nook in your home where your kids can relax or calm down. Make this area cozy and free of clutter, so it doesn’t create stress. Keep books, pillows, blankets, and a soft chair in this space, so they can have a place to relax when they need to calm down or just de-stress. Creating a calm-down, cozy space with books is also a great way to encourage reading and literacy in your family.
14). Encourage Shared Interests.
Find and encourage activities, hobbies, toys, or games that your children love to play together. By building common ground with one another, your children will build bonds that can’t be broken. When siblings have common interests, they’re more likely to bond and less likely to argue and fight.
15). Teach Emotional Regulation Techniques.
You can actively help your children learn to manage their own emotions. Read books such as Red, Red, Red and The Color Monster to help your children understand their emotions and learn to handle them in a healthy way. Encourage them to use simple techniques such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a break, which can be great tools to calm down before conflicts escalate.
how to stop siblings from fighting: keeping the peace
Keeping the peace at home is no easy feat, especially when you have siblings around. As parents, maybe you feel like you’re constantly on alert and ready to jump in at the first sign of trouble. Unfortunately, we can never completely eliminate sibling fighting. And honestly, a little conflict isn’t always a bad thing—it helps build confidence and character when we need to solve our own problems and conflicts. With that said, we can significantly reduce the frequency of sibling fighting if we take some proactive steps as parents.
With some work, creativity, and thoughtful strategies, it’s possible to make our homes a little calmer and more peaceful. This post is here to help you discover some strategies to help you make your home feel less like a battlefield. Here’s to feeling more relaxed and spending less time playing referee!
